“I trust the rhythm of my authenticity, showing up when I am ready, and offering myself compassion when I am not. I am enough in every environment.”
Our last morning of Camp Is In Your Heart 2024 (CIIYH) I was compelled to squeeze out one last treasured experience to carry home with me. It was dusty dawn as William silently led us up the steep hill to greet the labyrinth that awaited.
Breathing in the crisp mountain air, my soul stirred with memories of what once was. Here we stood, our small group gathered on these Colorado hills, where the Hayman Fire left its mark twenty-two years ago.
I remember how the fire made the air toxic, how our eyes burned and how difficult it was to breathe- even over 30 miles away. I remember the tension and anxiety of friends evacuating, the collective fear and the devastation.
The fire burned 138,000 acres over 40 days, prompting a heavy pallor that sucked the joy and the beauty from our hearts, the land and our mountain community.
This morning as I looked out over the land ravaged by flames, I experienced a reverent hush resounding in nature. My heart lifted at the sight of new seedlings pushing through. I could hear their whispers of hope and promises of renewal among the charred spindles of trees that remain.
Mother Earth and Time have indeed been working their magic.
William's gentle voice drew us together at the labyrinth's entrance. He introduced a new concept: “occasionally authentic.” His words of inspiration invited us to consider our intention to be authentic and how often we actually show up as such.
You know those moments when we are truly ourselves? When we express spontaneously from our hearts and convey our courage and convictions through our actions? When we are comfortable within our own skin. . .
Versus other situations where we recoil in fear to hide behind what we think others expect of us. Our social conditioning and emotional trauma often veil our genuineness.
These are the times we have a unique opportunity to honestly see and to learn. We can see our old patterns of behavior and learn new compassion for ourselves and others.
William’s message settled deep within as I centered myself with a sun salutation and took my first grounding breath.
Oh, the lessons that path had in store for me!
There was sweet Hannah ahead, our Irish friend, moving at her own contemplative pace while my feet itched to move faster. I practiced patience until I started to feel frustrated. And then a beautiful thing happened. When we reached a wider turn, she and I engaged in a magical little dance. Without a word, she paused, I passed, and suddenly we were both free.
Finally moving at my own rhythm, I experienced a new enthusiasm. I appreciated the crisp mountain air and quietly celebrated the joy of just being.
That peace was short lived however. I started to feel a bit disconnected. I felt void of a spiritual connection and lacked understanding of my purpose in this activity.
Just as that uneasy feeling of being lost and confused halted me in place, something caught my eye. Ahead of me were rocks scattered from their border homes. Without thinking twice, I squatted down to tuck a rock back into its place.
Making my way forward I continued to see the next rock and then the next - knocked out of alignment. With each displaced rock, I’d squat down and purposefully return it to its’ rightful home within the border.
For several moments, I felt very pleased, content, and useful. Realigning the displaced rocks felt like I was contributing to the flow and balance of our journey.
And then like a lightening bolt - a critical thought pierced my serenity.
What if these rocks were suppose to be out of alignment? What if there was a reason, a purpose for them to be out of place? And what if my gesture was really just interference? A denial of someone else’s opportunity?
I froze on the path, now unclear how to proceed. Should I leave the rocks askew as I came upon them? Should I refrain from imposing my will and perspective onto the situation?
You know that wobbly feeling when "should" shows up uninvited? When you’re fine on your path until judgement and self-doubt slither in.
Then it hit me!
I help others find their alignment. It is who I am and what I do! My contribution supports their becoming whole again. I guide others to learn how to see the truth of who they are, and how to honor themselves and their journeys.
When I show up with this purpose and compassion, I am in alignment with myself. My thoughts, feelings, and actions are authentically me.
I made the decision to move forward and to continue to align all the rocks I found out of place. Oddly enough, the moment I let go of my doubt, something amazing happened: no more rocks needed my assistance.
Mother Nature is a clever teacher.
The real kicker came at the center of the labyrinth. When William had led us in, he had remained standing in the center rather than making his way back out. There he stood, planted like a tree, taking up the heart of the labyrinth.
As I got closer to the center, I felt uncertain what to do. It was clear he was not going to move. His energy was solid and powerful. I refrained from making eye contact as there was a part of me that wanted to whisper, “WTF William?! “
This thought made me laugh.
So I inhaled deeply and dropped to my knees. There on a lower plane a collection of white stones were placed like an alter. At it’s center was the largest, a gorgeous heart-shaped stone.
Placing my hand on it, I gently rubbed the cold smooth surface. I felt peace…full. This was the center of my labyrinth. My journey was complete. Sometimes being authentic means creating your own sacred space, even when Life seems less than cooperative.
Later, we all had a good laugh when William confessed feeling stuck in the center, not knowing how to get out. And I couldn't help but admit I'd wanted to knock him down – my ego reacting while my heart found a gentler way to honor us both.
Do you know what I discovered? This winding path to authenticity is similar to that of the labyrinth. Sometimes we're impatiently following someone else's pace, sometimes we're fixing things that might not need fixing, and sometimes we find the spot we want -already taken.
Yet when we trust our gut and stay true to who we are, we realize we're exactly where we are meant to be – and that's more than enough.